Love Languages and Relationship Development #AtoZChallenge

Posted on by Astrid

Hi everyone. Today for my letter L post in the #AtoZChallenge, I want to write about love languages.

First of all, what are love languages? Love languages, in general, are the ways we primmarily prefer to receive or give affection.

That being said, the concept that there are different love languages was first populated by Gary Chapman in his 1992 book The Five Love Languages. The five love languages, according to Chapman, are:


  • Physical touch, such as hugging, kissing and holding hands.

  • Gifts: expressing love through giving meaningful gifts that symbolize the relationship. For example, my spouse giving me a stuffed teddy bear holding a heart.

  • Quality time spent together. For example, my partner and I often go to Apeldoorn together.

  • Words of affirmation: compliments or other verbal expressions of appreciation. I think cute nicknames are a part of this too.

  • Acts of service, such as my spouse having put together my Ikea cabinet.

Of course, as you can see above, people in a healthy relationship share all love languages, but Chapman believed each of us has a primary and secondary love language.

Chapman believes that people often naturally express their love in the same love language they would like to receive love in. For example, if one person usually takes other people on outings, their primary love language might be quality time and this then is the way they’d like their partner to show them love. For instance, in this case the person would really like their partner to spend quality time with them.

Then, if the partner’s main love language is physical touch, they will more easily start hugging the other person rather than spending quality time with them. This may lead to awkward situations or even conflict, because maybe the other person doesn’t like to be touched. As such, it is important, according to Chapman, to know your partner’s love language and learn to express your love in that language when interacting with them.

So are the five love languages backed up by science? The short answer is “No”. First of all, there are more ways to express love than just these five. Secondly, though there is some research that shows people lean more towards certain love languages, it isn’t true that people have just one primary (and one secondary) love language. In fact, as you can see above, my spouse and I use all five and more.

Technology and Its Usefulness for People With Intellectual and Developmental Disabilities #AtoZChallenge

Posted on by Astrid

Hi everyone. I am back with my letter T post in the #AtoZChallenge. Today, I want to talk about technological advances and their usefulness (or lack thereof) for people with intellectual or developmental disabilities.

There exist a myriad of technological devices to presumably help people with intellectual or developmental disabilities. Some include alternative and augmentative communication (AAC) devices. While these are not for everyone, some people definitely benefit from them. Some of these technologies require a special device, but there is an increasing number of AAC apps available for conventional smartphones and tablets.

Other technologies are used to help people with more severe intellectual or developmental disabilities have different sensory experiences. For example, there’s a thing called the CRDL (pronounced “cradle”), which can be used by a disabled person along with their caregiver. When the device is touched in various ways, it produces different sounds and if I’m correct even vibrations.

Other pieces of technology merely help a person to relax, such as the InmuRelax, a sort of pillow which produces a soundscape when held in order to calm people during the night. Having used the Inmu a few times, I can say I prefer my music pillow, which is far cheaper.

Then there are of course interactive “pets”. These are not stuffed animals and should not be treated like toys, so people with severe or profound intellectual disabilities are probably not suited to handle them. Rather, they are electronics with some fur around them to make them look like real-life cats or (small) dogs, which people can then stroke or cuddle with gently. These interactive animals are mostly intended for people suffering from early to mid-stage dementia rather than for the intellectually disabled, although I’ve seen them being well handled by more capable intellectually disabled people who realize these are like pets, not toys.

Lastly, there currently is a research project going on with “social robots” in long-term care for people with intellectual disabilities. These robots could be programmed to, for instance, remind clients to take their meds, do certain tasks, or they could even ask them questions. It is kind of intended that the robots would become a “buddy” to the intellectually disabled person. I honestly cringe at the idea. Not the reminders or even if the robot woke me up with a cheery “Good morning, Astrid, what would you like for breakfast?”. I am reminded of a time my psychologist, back in like 2013, asked me whether I was okay with a robot doing my morning routine. When I said “Hell, no!”, she saw this as a sign of dependence. I currently start my day on my own anyway, so whether it’s my vibrating, beeping Apple Watch waking me up or a robot, I don’t care. And as for the reminders, I’ve actually thought about asking my staff to help me learn to use a day scheduling app. However, the cringe-worthy thing for me is the “buddy” part. Yes, I know long-term care needs to be cut, but a robot isn’t going to replace human interaction if you ask me.

Communication Issues in People With an Intellectual Disability #AtoZChallenge

Posted on by Astrid

Hi everyone. I’m late today with my letter C post in the #AtoZChallenge. Today’s topic is communication issues facing individuals with an intellectual disability.

Intellectual disabilities can be described as mild, moderate, severe or profound depending on IQ or perceived level of functioning. As a result of this, but also due to other factors such as co-occurring autism, individuals with an intellectual disability vary in their ability to communicate in the same way non-disabled people do. Those with a mild intellectual disability are often able to speak and even read. In fact, I was surprised when I came here to my current care home to find out that several of my fellow clients can read quite well. Those with more severe intellectual disabilities, may use other methods of communication.

In general, communication methods can be divided into three categories: pre-symbolic, symbolic and verbal.

Pre-symbolic communication involves the type of communication that precedes symbols such as pictures or signs. It includes vocalizations, body language, and facial expressions. Individuals with profound intellectual disabilities often use this method of communication exclusively. It might be tempting to think that people who cannot use symbolic communication, cannot make their wants known. However, I remember at my first day center with my current care agency meeting a woman who was clearly at this level, but the staff knew what her favorite essential oil was.

Symbolic communication involves pictures and photos. Please note that some people may be able to use just a few familiar ones, while others’ abilities are broader. However, you will never know what a person is truly capable of until you get to know them.

Verbal communication involves speech and sign language. Most people with an intellectual disability have a mild impairment, so will be able to express themselves verbally. That being said, you still need to check whether they truly understand what you were saying. For example, some people with an intellectual disability will have very concrete, literal reasoning.

People with an intellectual disability often do not do well with closed questions, because they will answer what they think the other person wants to hear. As a side note, so do I! However, too open-ended questions are not useful either, as they require the person to retrieve a lot of information. This, again, goes for me too. Either/or questions may be helpful with some, although I’ve seen people with severe intellectual disability usually pick the last out of the options.

It is usually recommended to use short, simple sentences with everyday words (no jargon). People should be even more aware of the individual’s body language than when communicating with people who don’t have an intellectual disability. I want to say this goes for interactions with people with mild intellectual disabilities too. I mean, it is common sense to workers in care homes for individuals with profound intellectual or multiple disabilities to pay attention to minor changes in a person’s expression. However, here at my current care home staff often say that residents lash out for no reason at all. I doubt this is true.