Hi everyone. Several happenings today, including my reading today’s Friday Faithfuls post, made me think about the question whether I have a mental illness. Or should I say mental health condition? Is there even a difference?
People who know me, may be surprised at the fact that I even ask this question. I mean, of course! I spent nearly a decade in a psychiatric hospital. Then again, when I was first admitted, the psychiatrist deciding to admit me made it very clear that she wasn’t diagnosing me with a serious mental illness. I had a diagnosis of autism, of course, which though it is in the DSM and though here in the Netherlands it falls within the realm of psychiatry, isn’t technically speaking a mental illness. To be added to this diagnosis was adjustment disorder, which in short means an inability to cope with the stressors of daily life. Nowadays, people with this diagnosis alone don’t qualify for mental health services, let alone admission to a psychiatric hospital.
But once I was in the system, numerous mental health diagnoses which may fall under the realm of mental illness, were added. My first was impulse control disorder not otherwise specified, which I’m pretty sure was just a way of explaining away my meltdowns without admitting they were due to less than adequate care. I often wondered why they singled out impulse control as the only issue on which they gave me the vague “not otherwise specified” diagnosis. I guess it’s because, unlike my anxiety, depression, disordered eating, etc., my meltdowns did bother other people.
Then, several years later, came (complex) PTSD and dissociative identity disorder. These are mental illnesses, but they are caused by overwhelming circumstances, just like adjustment disorder.
Later came borderline and eventually dependent personality disorder. Finally, I was diagnosed with recurring depression in 2017.
All this to say, whether I have a mental illness or not, isn’t as straightforward as it may seem. I do know that my current care plan lists “mental health problems” as a general “diagnosis”. I honestly try not to care about the specifics of my diagnosis, but I’ve learned the hard way that the specifics can be used against me. For example, when I had the personality disorder diagnoses, I was kicked out of the psych hospital with almost no aftercare because of allegedly misusing care. I wish the higher-ups would look beyond the labels and at the individual.
A Multitude of Musings 
Thanks for sharing this, Astrid as I found your post to be very informative. In an ideal world, mental health doctors would always look beyond a diagnosis to see the individual patient. However, the realities of modern medicine, professional training, and diagnostic systems can sometimes lead to a reliance on labels over individualized care. Professionals, if they aren’t mindful, think of their patients as disorders rather than people. They focus so much on symptoms and criteria that they fail to see the unique, dynamic, multidimensional human being in front of them. They fail to consider important and highly relevant factors such as context, culture, and environment; and, most unfortunately, they assume their patients’ experience and needs, rather than being curious about them.
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Good points indeed. Moreover, there’s politics involved in care too. For example, though my psychologist at the time may well have herself believed that I was misusing care, it was more likely at least in part a political decision to kick me out. After all, at the time there were massive budget cuts to inpatient psychiatric treatment.
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They should look beyond a diagnosis to the individual patient, and not just look at labels. I’m sorry you’ve had your diagnosis used against you! Xx
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Thanks for your kind words. Yes, I’ve had my diagnosis used against me several times.
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Some people find saying they have a mental illness embaressing, not me I don’t feel embarressed by having a mental condition
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Me neither. I couldn’t care less about what people think of me due to my diagnoses.
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I tentatively agreed to mental health care recently, specifically because for years I was afraid of my thoughts being used against me. I still keep a lot of my critical thoughts locked down. I know my blog seems to be “tell all”, but really it barely scratches the surface because here in America it WILL be used against you. I’m not embarrassed by my thought processes. Honestly, I have learned to handle them quite well on my own without help.
However it would be nice if I had someone to speak to without fear that the state would come in and decide my opinion on my life doesn’t matter. My spouse is not even safe to speak to. My friends are not safe to speak to. My son is not either. I am an island when it comes to my feelings and thoughts that might be “non-normative” and that can be incredibly isolating. Yet, I find myself not wanting to reach out and find others that think like me or feel as I do because of trust issues.
If I never speak about my thoughts or feelings, no one can use them against me right? Plus then if I trust someone and they break my trust, what happens when they know all of my little thoughts that are quirks? I haven’t found one soul that never used what they knew about me against me at least once. So, if they only know so much, they can only use so much against me. If they can’t find the core of what hurts me, then they can never truly hurt me deeply.
That isn’t to say I have surface level relationships. It is simply to say, I make sure to protect the most inner part of myself because partners, children, parents, teachers, lovers, friends, and even children innocent children have cut me to the core before. Now it is just safer to leave certain conversations unsaid.
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I am so sorry you were hurt and have had your experiences used against you so often. I can relate to an extent, unfortunately.
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I remember being in a talk once about autism in kids and the professional said to never use the label to describe everything the child did that you didn’t like. The label was useful as a tool to get resources that were needed and that’s all. Wish everyone had that outlook.
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True indeed, although autism can be an explanation for many things. It however is too easily used by parents in a way as if neurotypical children don’t have annoying quirks.
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I agree that doctors too often lump people into convenient little compartments and try and treat all in that group the same. It doesn’t seem to matter if it is a physical or a mental illness. We are people not a diagnosis… treat us individually.
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Good points, agree 100%. The one-size-fits-all way of treating diseases unfortunately is too often politically motivated. Here in the Netherlands, at least, there’s this standardized model of insurance-covered care which literally calls interventions “diagnosis-treatment combinations”.
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Yeah, here the insurance companies decide on things like how long you can be in a hospital after a surgery instead of the doctor. Insurance has gotten way too much power here. It all boils down to the almighty dollar.
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Ugh yes, it’s a lot worse in the States than it is here. It’s getting worse here too, but so far I’m mostly grateful for our system.
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I believe that a lot more research need to going into mental health. I my self suffer with depression and a social phobia. I also believe I have autism, but I haven’t been officially diagnosed. #MMBC
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Good point. I honestly also believe research into mental health benefits everyone, not just those with a mental health condition.
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That’s a big question. What is a mental illness, and what isn’t? The lines are often blurry, I think.
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Agree. I remember back when I first suspected I was autistic, my parents saying everyone has something nowadays. While it may be true that autism, ADHD, etc. are overdiagnosed in some populations, it isn’t because these kids (usually they’re kids) just need to toughen up but because the educational system is failing everyone but the most “normal” (ie. average) kids.
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