Hi everyone. On Monday, I listened to an episode of the Navigating Adult ADHD podcast. It was on emotional dysregulation and it’s been on my mind ever since.
I don’t have a diagnosis of ADHD, but have wondered for years whether my emotion regulation issues are “just” autistic meltdowns, whether I have borderline personality disorder like my psychologist in the psychiatric hospital used to believe, or whether something else is going on. So far, I haven’t found a satisfactory answer and, with that, I have not found something that helps.
I tried a ton of medications but none truly helped me, except for maybe my antidepressant. That is, obviously my antipsychotic did lessen my emotional outbursts, but it didn’t do so in a pleasant way. In fact, I only felt irritability or I felt nothing. That’s not emotion regulation but being numbed down too much.
I tried dialectical behavior therapy, which I still believe could’ve been helpful if the clinician hadn’t been so horribly invalidating. I mean, there’s quite a world between going along with every single emotion I describe without question (which I realize could be counterproductive) and telling me, albeit implicitly, that my entire way of experiencing things is invalid. I haven’t been involved with DBT for long enough to know whether it in itself is invalidating or whether it was just the clinician being judgmental.
In the podcast, the speaker described six ways in which emotional dysregulation can show up. I related to all of them, though some more than others. For example, my low frustration tolerance is truly debilitating. So is my inability to calm down. I literally still fret over things that happened at the intensive support home and these influence how I react to my current staff. My spouse and I also regularly fight over both of our (but more so my) inability to let go.
The things I relate less to, interestingly, are things I see as relatively “positive”. For example, I do get slightly over-excited at times, but not to an extreme degree. Then again, the fact that I don’t experience it to an extreme degree, is probably why I see it as “positive”: after mulling over negative things for weeks, I’d love something to get overly enthusiastic about. In reality though, finding a new hobby and buying all the “needed” supplies within hours, isn’t actually good for me financially. I just wish I’d experience that rush of excitement. Then again, when, rarely, I do, it often leads to even lower lows afterwards.
I’m joining in with #WWWhimsy.
A Multitude of Musings 
Hi Astrid, it’s way out of my depth to be able to provide you with any advice or opinions on what you’ve shared with us here but I do hope you find some answers soon to help regulate your emotions. I can relate on a tiny level, being a post-menopausal women, because hormonal changes mean I can be quick to get irritated and angry and I can simmer longer than I’d like. It’s probably no help to you but my daily morning practice of yoga and pilates really helps to keep some peace and calm within me. Thank you for sharing with us at #WWWhimsy and hoping you find some answers or solutions that help soon! xo
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Thanks a lot for commenting. I really do hope I’ll be able to find a way to deal with my emotional dysregulation. I think it’s interesting that you mention being post-menopausal. I have no idea of my hormonal health since I’m on the birth control shot, but I have wondered whether I could be entering perimenopause (I’m 39), especially because my doctors used to tell me my symptoms would get better as I entered my thirties, but that’s not been my experience.
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Frustration is the worst and not getting a diagnosis that helps provides plenty of that. I struggled with many doctors before I was actually diagnosed with fibromyalgia and experienced disrespect, dismission and ignorance from more that one doctor. I know that is different than your situation, but trying to find the right doctor is exhausting and you are limited to who is on staff. The only thing I can say is talk to your doctor about the podcast and your concerns and maybe it will help them direct you down the right path. I wish you the best of luck. Hang in there.
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Thanks so much for your kind comment. I doubt my doctor is of any help, as she’s been dismissing other things for months too. All I can hope for is that once the Center for Consultation and Expertise person gets on my case (eventually…), they are able to provide some insight. For clarity’s sake, I’m not necessarily looking for medication, although if something were found that would truly help me I’d jump at the chance.
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I will keep hope for you alive. It has to get better!
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Thanks a lot! I’ll try to stay hopeful too.
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You’re welcome.
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I really admire how open you always are. It sounds quite exhausting for you, but you’re handling it with so much strength and honesty. Cheering you on as you keep moving forward, Astrid! 🙂
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Thanks so much for your kind words!
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Emotion disregulation is definitely tough to navigate, I’m sorry you have not found some ways to help you to cope with that. xx
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Thank you. It’s really frustrating indeed.
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