Hi everyone. Today for my letter S post in the #AtoZChallenge, I want to talk about how to cope with hard-to-deal-with emotions such as shame and guilt.
First, what are shame and guilt? Shame is a complex emotion that usually arises when you think you’ve failed. Shame is not really focused on the specific action that causes you to feel bad about yourself, but rather it is focused on your identity. As a result, shame can cause you to feel inadequate or worthless.
Guilt, on the other hand, is an emotional response to thinking you’ve done something wrong. It, unlike shame, is linked to the specific mistake you made and it as a result often prompts you to try to rectify it.
Put simply, shame is an emotion that prompts people to hide, whereas guilt prompts people towards justice.
How do you deal with shame and guilt? First, identify what shame feels like for you. For instance, where do you feel it in your body?
Then, identify your shame triggers. Shame and guilt are both triggered by specific events. However, shame often leads us to feel like we as people are flawed, rather than us having simply made a mistake. As such, we often lose sight of the specific situations that trigger us to feel shame. Try to identify these.
Then, identify and challenge the specific thoughts that cause you to feel like you’re altogether bad. Shame can be helpful in pointing out ways in which you’ve failed, but these mistakes do not make you a failure as a person.
Finally, right the wrong. Do what it takes to rectify the mistake you made that caused you to feel shame. For example, if you’ve damaged another person’s stuff, buy new stuff or give them money or whatever. At the very least, apologize. And do the work necessary to prevent you making the same mistake again. Going into hiding out of shame doesn’t do any good. Admitting your guilt and making amends does.
There are other difficult emotions I could’ve mentioned here, such as bitterness and anger (except that these don’t start with the letter S). These are in a similar way related to each other that shame and guilt are: while bitterness leads people to inaction, anger leads people to fight for what they believe in. Anger, of course, can turn to the extreme of rage and then be inappropriate, but in general it’s healthier to be angry rather than bitter. In every situation, it is recommended to watch for all-or-nothing thinking that can lead you towards hopelessness and self-defeat.
A Multitude of Musings 
This was an amazing post too many people are made to feel shame when they shouldn’t, also there are people who should feel shame but they don’t.
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Agree. Re your last point, maybe they do feel shame but compensate for it by denying their mistakes rather than by trying to set things right.
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Shame and guilt can be hard to deal with.
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Absolutely! I for one experience shame a lot and it is very difficult to deal with.
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I find shame is a tough emotion to deal with, it definitely takes hard work and a lot of therapy to overcome shame. X
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True and I for one have never been able to find a therapist who is supportive in this respect.
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I generally don’t feel shame, but I have felt guilty many times.
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Thanks for sharing. In a sense, it’s good that you don’t feel shame generally but do feel guilt, as like I said guilt promotes action.
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Shame and guilt. Two tough ones. Great explanations.
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Thank you!
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Such an important topic—shame and guilt are heavy emotions that so often go unspoken. I really appreciate you shedding light on how to navigate them.
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Thanks so much for your supportive comment. I’m glad my post was interesting to you.
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You’re so welcome – looking forward to seeing more from you
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Hmm…I never before consider the distinction between shame and guilt. Thanks!
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Me neither until I came across an article a few days ago about how guilt can be positive.
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Shame and guilt can be crippling if they are not dealt with too. I like the way you broke this down.
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Thank you so much. I agree these emotions can be very hard to deal with.
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You’re welcome.
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