Hi everyone and welcome to my letter N post in the #AtoZChallenge. Today, I want to talk about narcissism and narcissistic personality disorder. I’ll also talk about the controversial topic of “narcissistic abuse”.
When looking up the definition of narcissism, several different descriptions come up, but an overarching theme is an extreme sense of self-importance. In psychoanalysis, narcissism is thought to be due to a person’s inability to distinguish themself from external objects. This is thought to occur naturally in infants but may also arise as a result of a mental disorder.
Narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) is defined by the American Psychiatric Association as a pattern of exaggerated feelings of self-importance, excessive need for admiration and a reduced capacity for empathy. Symptoms include:
- A grandiose sense of self-importance.
- Preoccupation with fantasies of unlimited success, power, beauty or ideal love.
- Belief that they are special or unique and can only be understood by, or should associate with, specific people/institutions, usually those with high status.
- Requiring excessive admiration.
- A sense of entitlement, such as expecting especially favorable treatment or automatic compliance with their expectations.
- Being interpersonally exploitative.
- Lack of empathy: unwillingness and inability to identify with the feelings of others.
- Often being envious of others or believing others are envious of them.
- An arrogant, haughty attitude.
There is also an alternative model of describing personality disorders, which lists NPD as having two main criteria: grandiosity and attention-seeking.
There are two main subtypes of NPD: malignant and vulnerable. The malignant type is how most people see a classic narcissist, whereas those with the vulnerable type display more negative affect and shame.
As I look over the criteria of NPD, I can somewhat see why some people have called me “a little narcissistic”. I, after all, do see myself as unique and feel that I can only be understood by a handful of people. Unlike actual narcissists though, I don’t think of myself as “better” than others and, as a result, the people who will understand me are most certainly not high-status people.
Now on to “narcissistic abuse”. This is a term used to describe abuse, mostly psychological, perpetrated by people with NPD. However, it is more commonly used for any long-standing pattern of psychological abuse. As such, many people have come to call their toxic parents, partners or other abusers “narcs” even when these people don’t have a formal diagnosis of NPD. I’m not sure how I feel about this. On the one hand, it’s stigmatizing a mental disorder and also providing excuses for abusers (after all, they can’t help being a “narc”). On the other hand, well, it’s a major thing in abuse survivor circles and I need support regardless of what my abusers are or are not being identified as. I lean towards not believing in “narcissistic abuse” as its own thing.
A Multitude of Musings 
good writeup Astrid! I do believe Narc abuse is a thing, definitely I believe in it!
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Thanks for sharing your opinion.
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Yep, knew a guy just like that. I co authored two books with this guy. Thank frully never published and I ditched him. Everything was about him.
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Oh, that must’ve been so hard on you. Thankfully you’re no longer working together.
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Thank you for this brilliant write-up.
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You’re welcome and thanks for commenting.
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I think we’ve got one in charge over here running amuck.
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You mean your country’s head of state, I assume. Truthfully, though I agree, I’m almost afraid to say so because of what might happen to anyone criticizing hem both in the US and in other countries. I never imagined being scared to exercise my right to freedom of expression because of a leader of a developed country.
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It’s hard to separate a selfish society where everyone and everything is subject to exploitation and a practitioner of those values, sick as they are. We live in an unhealthy society.
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Agree. Many people in positions of power seem selfish as people even though it’s in many cases their position that turned them into oppressors. That being said, it takes a bit of unhealthy selfishness at the individual level for someone to be able to elbow their way up the ladder.
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Well said, Astrid.
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Good point! Random people diagnosing others as narcissistic as a stand-in for abuse is very common these days; there is a lot of pop psychology going around, and once you have a hammer, everything looks like a nail. Which, you are right, is problematic. (According to my psychologist, 10 years ago everyone was pop-diagnosing everyone as borderline, so these trends change). NPD and abuse are real, serious issues though. I wish more people knew that.
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Good points indeed, though I must say mental health professionals are not immune to diagnosing people with the latest trendy label either.
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Narcissism seem to be used freely by many to describe someone they don’t like without regard to any thoughts of clinical diagnosis.
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True indeed. Thanks for stopping by.
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I would add one more quality to the true narcissist, and that is pronoid, the opposite of paranoid. It’s the belief that everybody loves them and agrees with them. I see one of them in the news everyday.
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Yeah, great point. Unfortunately, Trump may not be right that everyone agrees with him, but the vast majority are too uninterested to stand up.
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And that is tremendously sad.
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It is. I also think some people who are now just a step away from being targeted, might not be totally disinterested but a part of the reason they don’t stand up is fear. I for one do feel it and I’m not even in the U.S.
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This was really interesting thank you
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You’re welcome and thanks for commenting.
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I see a couple others in your comments have mentioned the orange clown. Agree that he fits here.
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Yes, so true. I honestly wish he were just a clown.
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I am another who read the qualifying symptoms and thought of the man in charge here. But I have known others too. The big question is what to do about a narcissist to make him see the light?
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Honestly there’s little that can be done about genuine narcissism, because most narcissists, particularly the malignant type, don’t see their problems.
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