Hi everyone. Today for my letter L post in the #AtoZChallenge, I want to write about love languages.
First of all, what are love languages? Love languages, in general, are the ways we primmarily prefer to receive or give affection.
That being said, the concept that there are different love languages was first populated by Gary Chapman in his 1992 book The Five Love Languages. The five love languages, according to Chapman, are:
- Physical touch, such as hugging, kissing and holding hands.
- Gifts: expressing love through giving meaningful gifts that symbolize the relationship. For example, my spouse giving me a stuffed teddy bear holding a heart.
- Quality time spent together. For example, my partner and I often go to Apeldoorn together.
- Words of affirmation: compliments or other verbal expressions of appreciation. I think cute nicknames are a part of this too.
- Acts of service, such as my spouse having put together my Ikea cabinet.
Of course, as you can see above, people in a healthy relationship share all love languages, but Chapman believed each of us has a primary and secondary love language.
Chapman believes that people often naturally express their love in the same love language they would like to receive love in. For example, if one person usually takes other people on outings, their primary love language might be quality time and this then is the way they’d like their partner to show them love. For instance, in this case the person would really like their partner to spend quality time with them.
Then, if the partner’s main love language is physical touch, they will more easily start hugging the other person rather than spending quality time with them. This may lead to awkward situations or even conflict, because maybe the other person doesn’t like to be touched. As such, it is important, according to Chapman, to know your partner’s love language and learn to express your love in that language when interacting with them.
So are the five love languages backed up by science? The short answer is “No”. First of all, there are more ways to express love than just these five. Secondly, though there is some research that shows people lean more towards certain love languages, it isn’t true that people have just one primary (and one secondary) love language. In fact, as you can see above, my spouse and I use all five and more.
A Multitude of Musings 
It’s not just for romantic relationships. The gifts my sons give to me is their time, which is in short supply.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yeah of course it isn’t just for romantic relationships, sorry I didn’t explain that properly. I’m glad your sons give you their time.
LikeLiked by 1 person
So am I, Astrid ❤
LikeLiked by 1 person
I remember reading about the different love languages, it interests me, I think mine is physical touch, followed by gift giving, and quality time. X
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks for sharing, carol anne. I honestly don’t even know what mine would be.
LikeLike
I found this interesting as it isn’t anything I have given any thought to
LikeLiked by 1 person
Ah thanks. I’m so glad you found it interesting.
LikeLike
I remember Chapman and his discussion of love languages. I think it was another way to think about things and approve overall communication.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Ah yes, that makes sense. I personally haven’t read his book.
LikeLike
It’s not a bad idea. I think a lot of these are the writers trying to figure something out for themselves and extrapolating it to the population at large. There’s some good that can be found here, but not to the exclusion of all else.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Exactly! There’s definitely some value in most self-help theories but that doesn’t mean any one of them is the end to all problems.
LikeLike
I read a book about the five love languages quite a few years ago. It didn’t save my relationship though. Oh well.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Oh, I’m so sorry about your relationship having ended. I agree that differences in love languages aren’t the be all and end all of relationship issues.
LikeLike
I express love in all five ways but primarily in acts of service. Great post.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks for sharing. Of course, people do differ in terms of to what degree they express love in each language.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I like this break down, but as you said there are more than five. The more ways you can express love the better.
LikeLiked by 1 person
So true indeed.
LikeLiked by 1 person