Hi everyone and welcome to my eleventh attempt at doing the #AtoZChallenge. I’m doing it on personal growth and self-improvement this year and, for my letter A post, I want to talk about attachment styles.
Attachment theory was first developed by John Bowlby (1907-1990). Bowlby was educated in psychoanalysis but didn’t feel that this idea took into account a person’s environment.
Attachment theory is based on the bond between a child and their primary caregiver (usually mother) early in life. Bowlby observed that, if a child’s need for consistent, secure attachment isn’t met, that child will develop emotional, social and sometimes even cognitive problems.
The idea of attachment styles comes from Mary Ainsworth (1913-1999). She designed something called the “strange situation”. In this experiment, young toddlers (between 12 and 18 months of age) were observed during their interactions with their mothers, a stranger who was at one point introduced into the situation, and while alone.
This led to the idea that there are three distinct attachment styles:
- Secure: the child reacts with distress in the absence of their mother but is easily soothed by her.
- Resistant (now known as anxious or anxious-preoccupied): persistent distress that continues far longer even in the presence of the mother.
- Avoidant (dismissive-avoidant): no outward signs of distress either when the mother leaves or when she returns: a child ignores the mother.
Later, a fourth attachment style (disorganized or fearful-avoidant) was added. Children who would be classified as having this attachment style, exhibit characteristics of both the resistant and avoidant style. For example, a child seeks comfort from the stranger rather than their mother.
Remember, attachment theory and attachment styles are based on observations of toddlers. As such, how relevant are these to adults? Current research shows that attachment styles are moderately stable over time. As such, if you had an insecure attachment style as a child, you’re likely to still have some attachment insecurity as an adult.
However, as you’ll see when I discuss other topics relevant to personal growth, hardly anything in the human psyche is black-or-white and this goes for attachment styles too. Rather, in adults, there are two continuums along which someone will function: attachment anxiety and attachment avoidance. Most people fall somewhere in the middle on both, experiencing some attachment anxiety and some attachment avoidance but not so much that it interferes with their daily life.
How does an insecure attachment style present in adults? Generally speaking, someone who leans towards dismissive-avoidant will value their independence, have difficulty sharing their emotions and have a hard time being in an intimate or otherwise close relationship.
People who have more of an anxious-preoccupied attachment style, are the opposite: they crave relationships and worry excessively about losing the people close to them, leading them towards neediness and manipulation.
People who exhibit disorganized attachment, will alternate between craving intimacy and avoiding it.
I at one point had an attachment styles questionnaire administered and scored highest on the anxious-preoccupied attachment style. I currently believe I have some avoidant tendencies too, so in terms of black-or-white attachment styles would be considered fearful-avoidant with a strong leaning towards anxious.
A Multitude of Musings 
Interesting. Thanks for sharing.
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Thanks for commenting.
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Now I will be trying to figure out my attachment style all day 🙂
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Oh okay. I’ll take that as a sign you found my post interesting. Thanks.
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I found it very interesting.
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Hi Astrid, Thanks for visiting my blog. I don’t think people think enough about how early attachment or lack there of affects them in later life. I have a friend whose mother was part of the famous study (can’t remember the name of it), where in an orphanage they didn’t do any holding of the babies. It really messed her up and carried down to her own children.
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Thanks so much for stopping by. Aw, that situation you describe must’ve been so tragic!
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What an interesting topic. After reading this, I’m glad my parents weren’t abusive assholes.
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That’s good! Thanks so much for stopping by.
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Most often the anxious attachment style is my go-to. Needy as all get out.
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Thanks for sharing. I am mostly the same too, like I said.
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This was interesting and not something I have ever thought about
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Ah, thanks. I’m glad you found it interesting.
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Interesting to see how it remains that way in adulthood.
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Well, I may not have been very clear. What I meant by moderately stable, is that there actually is some change over time, so it isn’t like if a toddler exhibits signs of one attachment style, they’ll be destined to that style for life. However, it’s true that childhood attachment does influence adult relationships.
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Thanks for the clarification, Astrid.
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I definitely fall into the anxious avoidant type, although I have some of the symptoms of the other attachment styles too!
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Well that’s the thing, people with the fearful-avoidant style don’t have a clear attachment style so it’s true that you’ll have features of the others too.
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Thank you for the visit to my blog. I must honestly say that recipes are mor my styke thatn self-developement, but your’s us a refreshing take.
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Thanks for stopping by and for your honest comment.
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Thanks for this way of thinking about things. I suspect I lean toward the avoidant.
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Thank you for your lovely comment. As someone who leans towards anxious, I cannot really empathize with those who lean towards avoidant, but I do sympathize.
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This was very interesting and informative. Like you, I tend towards the anxious type. I look forward to what the rest of the alphabet brings.
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Thanks for commenting. I’m glad you liked my post.
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You are welcome.
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