Hi everyone. Today Sadje asks us in her Sunday Poser to share life lessons we’ve learned. I was pretty sure I’d done a post on the most important lesson I’d learned in life some years ago, so went to look and indeed, I wrote about this topic in 2018. Wow, how time has flown!
And it doesn’t surprise me that, when I read Sadje’s question, my initial thought was to share the exact same lesson I shared back then: that it’s important to stay true to yourself. Today though, I’m going to make it even bolder: I am the most important person in my life. That sounds selfish, right? But guess what? Each of us is the most important person in our own life. You can’t live for anyone else, by which I mean no-one else can make you happy. No, not even when you think that someone else does; it’s still your understanding of their love or acceptance that makes you happy.
To word it even more bluntly, if everyone thinks of themself first, no-one will be forgotten. This doesn’t mean we need to be going against moral sensibility or harming other people just because we want it. After all, harming others isn’t in our own best interest in the long run either.
By saying that no-one else can make us happy, I also didn’t mean we don’t need connections. However, no-one else can live our life for us.
I also want to share what learning this life lesson has helped me with since 2018. I still struggle with everyday decisions, but I attribute this to the fact that I often get overwhelmed with them.
I am happy to report that, since indeed landing in a less than supportive environment (ie. the intensive support home) in 2022, I was able to stand up for what I needed. I’m now back in quite a supportive place, but I’m glad I’m still able to advocate for myself. This doesn’t mean that the thought that everyone will ultimately abandon me if I’m myself, is gone. It’s worse than ever, in fact. I still need to work on the idea that, even if they do, that doesn’t mean I’m a bad person.
A Multitude of Musings 
It’s true, though. If you don’t look after yourself, no one else will.
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That’s a harsh way of wording it, but it’s indeed the truth. Thanks for stopping by.
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You’re very right Astrid that we are the most important person in our lives. And what we achieve in our lives depends on our own mindset. Thanks for sharing this very important message
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Thanks for sharing. I however respectfully disagree with that last sentiment, as luck does play a significant part in what we can and can’t achieve. It doesn’t mean that mindset isn’t important, but it doesn’t primarily determine our success in life. It does, of course, play a part in our mental wellbeing.
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Very true Astrid. Luck does play a part in the outcome.
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We need to like who we are, accept our faults, forgive our screw ups in life and remind ourselves we are good people worthy of love and kindness., even if we have done things at times we are not proud of. I tell my sister Sue that she is who she is, and that I love and accept her how she is and she needs to accept who she is as well.
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Thanks so much, Joanne! Is Sue your sister with BPD? In that case, I’m especially happy you remind her of her worth, because many people claim that those with BPD are pretty much unloveable and that often causes a cycle.
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Yes Sue is the one with BPD and she is far from unlovable in my opinion and I try to always respond to her text messages when people don’t it makes her start to have negative thoughts about herself.
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I’m so grateful on Sue’s behalf. I may have BPD (traits) too (not sure since I’ve had a dozen diagnoses in the past and don’t know which are correct) and I often struggle with feeling unloveable.
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we all need to put ourselves first, care for our own needs, because, at the end of the day no one else will!
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Well, people will probably care about us, but they won’t put us above themself if they have healthy self-love. I know that many religions command to love another above yourself, but at the end of the day most people won’t.
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