Hi everyone. One of the prompts for this week’s Writer’s Workshop is to write a post based on the word “attention”.
This immediately brings back a flood of memories of my time at the intensive support home. On one particular occasion – but I’m pretty sure there were many more -, a staff said to her coworker about a client in crisis: “It’s all attention.” She said “attention” in English, not Dutch, apparently hoping the client in crisis or his fellow clients (including me) wouldn’t understand. One of my fellow clients immediately chimed in by translating her comment into Dutch.
The idea that challenging behavior is “for attention” is often not entirely based in truth. However, even if it is, attention is a valid human need. And especially at the intensive support home, clients routinely didn’t get it.
You might think we did get more than enough attention, since the staff/client ratio is 1:2 to 1:3 at this home. But more often than not, staff were doing stuff on their phones, chatting to each other and on at least one occasion, I caught two staff playing a board game together and the third cheering for them. That third person was my one-on-one for the moment, but, because I was also playing a game with a fellow client, the staff thought it not necessary to pay attention to me. Then when I started showing signs of distress, he missed them until I ended up in a meltdown, then told me I could’ve said in a calm voice that I wanted to go to my room. Well, guess what? One of my first signs of distress is an inability to communicate effectively.
On another occasion, the fellow client about whom the staff felt the need to communicate his “attention-seeking” in English, was having an outburst again. I told my one-on-one for the moment that I could see why, because he’d been left to his own resources, often locked in his room, for most of the day. My one-on-one told me he’d had more than enough attention, since he had been having a cup of coffee with the client and had created his day schedule. As if a fifteen-minute coffee chat means you can be left alone for the rest of the day.
Remember, I and my fellow clients have a developmental disability. Most of us cannot participate in everyday conversations among non-disabled people, so when the staff are chatting to each other, most of us will feel left out of the loop. And just because staff are in the same room with us, doesn’t mean they’re attending to our needs, as my example of the board game illustrates. At that point, I needed someone to pay attention to the subtle signs that I was going to land in a meltdown.
And like I said, attention is a normal human need. Staff aren’t telling each other that they’ve had more than enough attention because they’ve had a break (that usually lasts for 45 minutes, four times a day) together. In my opinion, honestly, they should.
A Multitude of Musings 
Sadly there are people who have an attention seeking personality, they always want to make anything and everything about them. Wanting some attention is normal but some take the need too far
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True but that personality is quite rare. I do believe more people are demanding attention in inappropriate ways (eg. by engaging in challenging behavior) than there are people whose need for attention is genuinely excessive.
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Yeah I do understand that
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Sounds kind of unprofessional of them. Their primary job is to keep you calm (for lack of a better word) and they should at least be attentive to your moods and anxiety levels. I know that’s not always easy, but still, that’s ther job.
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Agreed. I mean, some people really do explode within a matter of minutes and I can see why staff can’t prevent that. Most don’t though and it’s then really a matter of staff not paying attention to the early warning signs of distress that leads clients to explode.
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While I’ve been around “attention-seekers”, a lot, especially being a stylist, I’m well aware that there are behaviors which should be acknowledged and supported with a sense of caring for any individual under extreme stress.
I’ve always disliked hearing someone say, “oh, he (or she) is just doing that for attention!”. That’s often a silent cry for help and understanding, in my opinion.
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Agree. I also completely understand your comment about coming across attention-seekers as a stylist. If I genuinely wanted attention excessively, I’d probably use my style for it. In fact, it’s one of the criteria for histrionic personality disorder (though there are eight I believe and you need to meet four or so for a diagnosis).
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I understand the importance of attention and its impact, especially in environments like the intensive support home. Staff needs to recognize and attend to the individual needs of each client. Thank you for sharing your experience.
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Thanks for your understanding comment. I do understand that staff need to take care of themselves too, but sometimes I’m very annoyed at how much time they spend chilling out.
By the way, I edited out the links to your antivirus program at the bottom of the comment.
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No problem. Sorry about the links. I’ve been replying via email because it’s easier for me, but as a result, every comment comes with a link to anti-virus. I don’t know how to let the comment be sent without the link.
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I think the antivirus thing is your E-mail signature so you should be able to manually delete it before sending out the E-mail comment. That is, if you want to and remember. Otherwise I’ll just edit your comments when they make their way to me.
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I’ll try to find a way to remove the anti-virus link because I know it’s annoying (I’m replying from my phone now hence no link)
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I hate the phrase ‘attention seeking’. The people who generally use that term are often clueless as to what is going on around them. I mean, this is isn’t necessarily true in every case, but sadly some people are just ill-educated on the needs and challenges some individuals face.I agree, attention is a valid human need for us all and even more so for those with a developmental disability. Thanks for bringing this to light Astrid. Have a lovely week! 😊
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Thanks so very much for your insightful comment. I agree 100%.
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Attention is a real human need. There are those that take it to extreme though for pure selfish reasons… not an actual need. People in a care situation whether it be a group home or a nursing home or just a stay in a hospital should have adequate attention as they are likely paying for that service. If staff can’t give it to them they are working the wrong job and should definitely not speak in a condescending way about needed care. I hope you get the attention you need. Have a good week Astrid!
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Thanks for commenting. Well re us paying for our care, here in the Netherlands that’s not entirely correct as, though we do have a copay, most of our care gets funded by the government. That being said, this doesn’t mean we should be treated in a condescending way for needing care.
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