February 2023 Reflections #WBOYC

Hi everyone. It’s the last day of the month and this means I’m reflecting back on the month that was. Like last month, I’m joining What’s Been On Your Calendar? (or #WBOYC for short).

The month of February, overall, was slightly better than the month of January. This was reflected in nineteen (including this one) blog posts in 28 days, compared to only thirteen in 31 days last month. However, it wasn’t “good” by any means.

On the 14th, we were supposed to have a meeting about my care, but this was postponed because my support coordinator was off sick. It has now been set for this coming Thursday but my assigned support staff told me it may need to be postponed again.

The last few weeks were okay care-wise and there were even a few days when I received optimal care by this home’s standards. On Friday, I told my assigned staff I might not want to leave this home after all, which she translated to my having decided I don’t want to leave. On Monday I tried talking to her about improvements that would make my life better here, but this led nowhere. Now I’m pretty sure that, since any attempt on my part to talk about improving my care situation leads to “but you can’t expect continuous one-on-one” before I’ve even stated my wishes, I’ve pretty much lost trust in everyone for good. And just so you know, this wasn’t my first attempt to talk about improving my care.

Craft-wise, I didn’t do as well as I’d hoped. I gave up on The Artist’s Way after barely a week and I didn’t expand on my creativity as much as I’d have liked. I was, however, invited to help decide on the monthly theme in the Dutch polymer clay Facebook group, which became “Unicorns” of course. Like I more or less expected, I was the only one contributing, but oh well. At least for once I could participate.

I did read a lot more than I’d expected in the past month. I have been reading more diversely too. This is related to the fact that I had a discussion with my husband a few weeks ago about queer identity.

Also due to said discussion, I decided to finally abandon Christianity. I’ve been struggling with my faith ever since becoming a Jesus follower at the end of 2020 and part of the reason is my queer identity. And just because I’m happily married to a man, doesn’t mean I need to disown that. I could, of course, still call myself a progressive Christ follower, but who would I be kidding then? If the God of the Bible exists, I’m going to be condemned whether I follow Him half-heartedly or not at all.

In the health department, I’ve been doing pretty well. My cardio fitness level is improving and is almost at below-average level rather than low. I also lost 2kg over the month and only need to lose just over 1kg to be at a healthy BMI. I haven’t heard what the institution nurse said yesterday about the cream not working for the burning sensation on my back.

Lastly, I bought a new computer last week, which I’ve now been using for a few days. I’d been dreading Windows 11 for years due to my fear of the unknown I guess, but it works quite similar to Windows 10.

12 thoughts on “February 2023 Reflections #WBOYC

  1. “God is love” = we are loved by God whether we are ‘perfect’ in devotion and prayer or whether we have doubts and more doubts. I believe (as a significant number of Christians believe) that God doesn’t care about our sexual identity or gender or race, at all. Our behavior toward others matters much more than any of that. I hope that you find a devotional book that ‘sings’ to your spiritual nature inside, that gives you comfort in troubling circumstances, and reaffirms that you are loved!

    **Katy in Texas, USA

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I can completely relate to that feeling, but to be honest it isn’t Biblical. To me, that doesn’t really matter, but I felt that by calling myself a Christian, I was really kind of intruding onto a community I don’t belong in. Like, I don’t know whether you’ve ever heard of Bobby Schuller (Hour of Power), who frequently talks about belonging before you behave, but then again he’s really tiptoeing around the important issues that ultimately the Biblical God does want us to turn around. I am glad you don’t feel that way and feel that God fully loves you as you are regardless of your identity.


  2. Why are they possibly rescheduling your meeting again? That’s not right. I would be careful what feelings you share until you have the meeting and get things figured out. I don’t like the fact that just because you mentioned you might not want to leave, the worker took it as you definitely are staying.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m not 100% sure why the meeting got canceled again (it indeed isn’t going forward tomorrow and no new date has been set). My assigned staff did say some things, which are personal to her so I’m not sharing them here, but that was when she wasn’t sure the meeting could go forward. In a sense, I would’ve understood the fact that the meeting had to be canceled because of the reasons she gave me, but that would not be considering the fact that my support coordinator had not been answering her E-mails about a date for the meeting for weeks back in late January/early February. My assigned staff probably does genuinely mean well, but I doubt my support coordinator does.


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