Welcome to day 21 and my letter U post in the #AtoZChallenge. Today I’m going to write about dealing with anger.
First, before you can learn to deal with it, you have to figure out whether what you’re experiencing is truly anger. I mean, anger is often our first go-to emotion even when what we’re truly feeling is guilt, sadness, fear or hurt, for example. I for one tend to express all strong emotions, even “positive” ones, as anger. (I put that between quote marks because no emotion is truly positive or negative.)
Second, check whether you are hungry, thirsty or not feeling well physically. Particularly hunger can cause you to feel angry. Anna Borges explains in her book, The More or Less Definitive Guide to Self-Care, that the same chemicals are released in the brain when your blood sugar is low that are released when you are angry. Usually when I’m hungry, I want to overeat and the thoughts I use to suppress that, cause me frustration and anger.
Also, pain can be a really frustrating feeling. When you’re not used to dealing with pain or physical discomfort, it can be that your go-to emotion is once again anger. It is for me.
When you have figured out that you are actually angry, there are several things you can do.
Firstly, leave the environment. Literally physically leave the room. Tell the people you’re with that you need a break to calm down.
Also, write an angry letter – but don’t send it. It may even be helpful to shred it at the end. Write out all your angry thoughts, whine if you want to, let it all out.
Another strategy is to self-soothe. Anna Borges explains that you can see anger as an inner baby who cries. Hold it by doing deep breathing and maybe talking calmly to it.
Lastly, Borges doesn’t mention this but I find it extremely helpful to exercise vigorously. This helps release chemicals in the brain that make you feel good. Also, tearing apart an old magazine or newspaper, stomping your feet, or otherwise expressing your frustration safely, can certainly help.
What do you feel helps you when you’re mad?
A Multitude of Musings 
Leave the environment is probably the most common thing I do.
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That’s one of the more helpful things for me too. Thanks for commenting.
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I too need to get away from the source and come home where I talk about it to myself until it’s all out. It’s not always helpful to talk to another person, but sometimes it is.
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Yes, true. Sometimes other people just won’t understand, so it’s easier to process stuff on your own. Thanks for commenting.
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I have a tendency to hold my emotions inside, and especially such generally difficult ones that are often called “negative” like anger, and then when I experience a lot of it at once I tend to turn it inwards and have self-harm urges. Similarly when I experience other difficult emotions that are not really anger, especially multiple such emotions at once that feel very intense and I struggle to express them, they also tend to manifest as anger turned inwards, I feel super angry like a minefield but struggle to get it out properly and in a healthyy way so that people around me often don’t see anything at all unless they know me really really well, and then I feel generally emotionally overloaded and often self-loathing.
When that happens and I am around other people, I try to leave if that’s possible, because being around many people during such times is definitely not helpful for me and only makes me feel worse. Often when I feel overloaded with feelings it feels kind of like my brain is shutting down so it’s hard for me to communicate until I feel better.
Misha is always the best remedy for me for almost everything, and so when I’m angry and when that’s possible, I also try to be with him as that makes me feel more stable and calm and if I for example need to cry I can do that with him as he of course won’t judge me, raise alarm, try to ask me what happened or anything.
I like to listen to music that corresponds with my feelings so when I’m angry I tend to listen to a lot of rock, alternative or such, and then some relaxing music.
Exercise helps too, especiallyy with self-harm urges, and I think that walks can clear out your brain from rubbish really well, so if it’s possible and if I feel like being around other people then I go for a walk with my Mum.
Writing is always the easiest way for me to express myself so if I know the root cause of why I’m feeling something I’ll write a lot about that, whether in my diary or on the blog or to someone. Sometimes talking to someone helps but not always, sometimes it can make things worse and sometimes I just don’t know what to say or the other person won’t understand. But usually if I do talk/write about it to someone it’s either someone online or my Mum.
Also some of the things that help typically with self-harm urges often help me as well, like holding ice cubes for example, or one that I particularly love is eating very spicy foods. There’s just something so cathartic in them it’s strange! 😀
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Thanks so very much for your extensive comment. Yes, I can relate to feeling overloaded with emotions a lot, but I do tend to express them outwardly. I am sorry you struggle with self-harm urges. Glad music, writing and being near Misha help. Oh yeah, eating very spicey food is such a great way of relieving strong feelings of anger.
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I’m sorry you experience such emotional overloads as well, that’s no fun.
As for self-harm urges, thankfully things are getting better and all those helpful things work for me a lot of the time so I self-harm much less than I did, but sometimes I still do.
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Thanks so much. I’m glad you’re doing better in keeping your self-harm urges at bay.
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When I’m mad, I shut down completely and nothing you say or do can get me to speak. And because I have master the ability to be silent, depending on how upset I get, I may never speak to you again…
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Oh, that must be hard! I understand it though. Thanks for commenting.
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I wrote my father a letter after he died. I still have it sealed away. One day someone will find it
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That’s good. Thanks so much for commenting.
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Great tips here Friend. I think you have written really good points. Another suggestion is to deal with it according to what is laid down in the word of God (the Bible). So, how can we deal with anger the Godly way? The Bible sets out that instead of suppressing how we feel and getting angry, we can tell the person who offended us that they have offended us, we can make that information known. The Bible says in Matthew 18:15 “If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother”. Also, how much power is anger having over your life? God helps us to deal with this by blessing us with the spirit of God. Concerning the spirit of God, the Bible says in Galatians 5:22 “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness”. These are the kinds of fruits that the spirit bears in our lives. The fruit of the spirit allows us to forgive those who have offended us. If you are struggling with forgiving them, then take it to God in prayer and pray to be blessed with the spirit of forgiveness (which is important). Last but not the least, God sees when injustice happens to us, and he says, no need to worry about revenging, he would revenge on your behalf. The Bible says in Romans 12:19 “Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.”
So how do you get the spirit of God? –> By connecting to God via prayer, by reading the word of God, working towards building a relationship with him and so much more.
If you or anyone interested wants more information on how to connect with God, I have a post on it here:
https://christcenteredruminations.wordpress.com/2018/08/29/how-to-build-a-relationship-with-god/
You can check out the blog post above. If the information is too overwhelming for you, then you can start slow and work your way up gradually. If you want to stay updated and you want more posts from me, you can follow my blog. I post about God, faith and Christian Spirituality. If you ever need to talk, then send me a message on the “Contact” section of my page.
May God’s grace be with you, Amen. 🙂
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