Thankful Thursday (March 26, 2020): My Staff’s Approach to a Meltdown

Today I’m having a really hard day. I found out this morning that my husband is not allowed to visit me for the duration of the COVID-19 situation. Only in exceptional cases such as when you’re terminally ill can you have a visitor. Well, I guess I’m grateful I’m not in that situation.

During this time of day activities at the home and the chaotic situation that ensues, I’m struggling a lot with basic mistrust. As I explained to my staff, including the behavior specialist, some weeks ago, I’m finding that I experience a lot of distress due to past trauma. I’m pretty sure I suffer with significant attachment issues and am acting those out towards the staff now that I’m beginning to feel slightly safe. I mean, there’s a part of me who says that if the staff truly know me, they’ll kick me out of here or abandon me in some other way. I guess this part is giving the staff a hard time because they’ll ultimately abandon me anyway so I’d better push them away first.

As such, this afternoon, I had a major meltdown. I was watching a video on the Center for Consultation and Expertise website about a man with mild intellectual disability who had a lot of challenging behavior. The way in which I could relate to him, triggered me. I tried to tell my staff, but couldn’t and then I threw a glass to the ground.

Now here comes the reason I prefixed this post with Thankful Thursday: my staff were amazing about it!

My assigned support worker, who happened to work on my side of the home today, called another home for a staff to come over. This was a staff who had also worked in my home previously. She hugged me and took me to my room to talk while my assigned staff cleaned the mess.

This did further trigger me, but it was a good trigger. I mean, in the psychiatric hospital I would’ve been secluded or kicked off the unit and basically abandoned. I had tears of gratitude and sadness at the same time because of how lovely my staff handled this situation. My assigned staff even said maybe we should watch the video together sometime so that I could point out in which ways I relate.

Now here’s hoping my behavior won’t escalate further. After all, then I may in fact be abandoned. My inner critic still says that I’m making up all the factors behind my challenging behavior and it’s all just attention-seeking and abandonment is exactly what I deserve. Regardless, I’m so extremely grateful for my staff!

10 thoughts on “Thankful Thursday (March 26, 2020): My Staff’s Approach to a Meltdown

  1. I am sorry you can’t see hubby and the meltdowns are bringing you down. I am, however, very glad you have such a good place to be with staff who cares about you and treats you well. 🙂

    Liked by 3 people

  2. I know things will get better for you and you will realize you are not alone, your hubby would be there if that virus wasn’t on the loose. Hang in there, we’re sending you virtual hugs. Thanks for joining the Thankful Thursday Blog Hop!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thanks so much. Yes, agree, if the coronavirus outbreak hadn’t happened, my husband would be available to hug me. He’s still supportive but of course it’s different from actually being able to be close physically.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Oh dear, I’m so sorry you had a meltdown and were so triggered, that sounds awful! But I am so glad that your staff were so helpful and caring, and made you feel at least a bit better about your attachment issues. I can relate to how you experience them and I know it takes time for such things to resolve and for you to be able to trust them more fully and still those things may come up, but it’s great that they respond so empathetically and naturally to your issues.

    Liked by 2 people

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