Hi everyone and welcome to my eleventh attempt at doing the #AtoZChallenge. I’m doing it on personal growth and self-improvement this year and, for my letter A post, I want to talk about attachment styles.
Attachment theory was first developed by John Bowlby (1907-1990). Bowlby was educated in psychoanalysis but didn’t feel that this idea took into account a person’s environment.
Attachment theory is based on the bond between a child and their primary caregiver (usually mother) early in life. Bowlby observed that, if a child’s need for consistent, secure attachment isn’t met, that child will develop emotional, social and sometimes even cognitive problems.
The idea of attachment styles comes from Mary Ainsworth (1913-1999). She designed something called the “strange situation”. In this experiment, young toddlers (between 12 and 18 months of age) were observed during their interactions with their mothers, a stranger who was at one point introduced into the situation, and while alone.
This led to the idea that there are three distinct attachment styles:
- Secure: the child reacts with distress in the absence of their mother but is easily soothed by her.
- Resistant (now known as anxious or anxious-preoccupied): persistent distress that continues far longer even in the presence of the mother.
- Avoidant (dismissive-avoidant): no outward signs of distress either when the mother leaves or when she returns: a child ignores the mother.
Later, a fourth attachment style (disorganized or fearful-avoidant) was added. Children who would be classified as having this attachment style, exhibit characteristics of both the resistant and avoidant style. For example, a child seeks comfort from the stranger rather than their mother.
Remember, attachment theory and attachment styles are based on observations of toddlers. As such, how relevant are these to adults? Current research shows that attachment styles are moderately stable over time. As such, if you had an insecure attachment style as a child, you’re likely to still have some attachment insecurity as an adult.
However, as you’ll see when I discuss other topics relevant to personal growth, hardly anything in the human psyche is black-or-white and this goes for attachment styles too. Rather, in adults, there are two continuums along which someone will function: attachment anxiety and attachment avoidance. Most people fall somewhere in the middle on both, experiencing some attachment anxiety and some attachment avoidance but not so much that it interferes with their daily life.
How does an insecure attachment style present in adults? Generally speaking, someone who leans towards dismissive-avoidant will value their independence, have difficulty sharing their emotions and have a hard time being in an intimate or otherwise close relationship.
People who have more of an anxious-preoccupied attachment style, are the opposite: they crave relationships and worry excessively about losing the people close to them, leading them towards neediness and manipulation.
People who exhibit disorganized attachment, will alternate between craving intimacy and avoiding it.
I at one point had an attachment styles questionnaire administered and scored highest on the anxious-preoccupied attachment style. I currently believe I have some avoidant tendencies too, so in terms of black-or-white attachment styles would be considered fearful-avoidant with a strong leaning towards anxious.
A Multitude of Musings 