The Most Important Life Lesson

Posted on by Astrid

Hi everyone. Today Sadje asks us in her Sunday Poser to share life lessons we’ve learned. I was pretty sure I’d done a post on the most important lesson I’d learned in life some years ago, so went to look and indeed, I wrote about this topic in 2018. Wow, how time has flown!

And it doesn’t surprise me that, when I read Sadje’s question, my initial thought was to share the exact same lesson I shared back then: that it’s important to stay true to yourself. Today though, I’m going to make it even bolder: I am the most important person in my life. That sounds selfish, right? But guess what? Each of us is the most important person in our own life. You can’t live for anyone else, by which I mean no-one else can make you happy. No, not even when you think that someone else does; it’s still your understanding of their love or acceptance that makes you happy.

To word it even more bluntly, if everyone thinks of themself first, no-one will be forgotten. This doesn’t mean we need to be going against moral sensibility or harming other people just because we want it. After all, harming others isn’t in our own best interest in the long run either.

By saying that no-one else can make us happy, I also didn’t mean we don’t need connections. However, no-one else can live our life for us.

I also want to share what learning this life lesson has helped me with since 2018. I still struggle with everyday decisions, but I attribute this to the fact that I often get overwhelmed with them.

I am happy to report that, since indeed landing in a less than supportive environment (ie. the intensive support home) in 2022, I was able to stand up for what I needed. I’m now back in quite a supportive place, but I’m glad I’m still able to advocate for myself. This doesn’t mean that the thought that everyone will ultimately abandon me if I’m myself, is gone. It’s worse than ever, in fact. I still need to work on the idea that, even if they do, that doesn’t mean I’m a bad person.

Friday Feels (December 6, 2024)

Posted on by Astrid

Hi everyone. I’m joining Debbie for Friday Feels, in which we’re asked three questions about our week and tasked with finding an F word to describe it. My post isn’t nearly as upbeat as Deb’s, but oh well.

F Word

My F word for this week has to be “fatigue”. Like I said last week, I was sick with a nasty cold. Well, I’m pretty sure it was COVID judging from how exhausted I was all week. I’m finally feeling mostly okay today.

What Made Me Happy?

There aren’t many things that made me especially happy this week, but I am glad to report my mental health hasn’t suffered significantly from a week in bed. In fact, I’ve had many crafting and writing ideas float through my mind and, this time, I was actually able to transform some to blog posts. I’m not yet there with respect to the crafting.

That being said, getting my new craft supplies that I’d ordered last week, did make me smile. I had forgotten how many things I’d ordered, but there are literally nine new colors of Premo polymer clay in the package, as well as a few really cool cutters (among which a 5mm heart) and a new silkscreen. I hope I can figure out a way to use the tiny cutter, as I’d love to decorate my next unicorn with a heart.

What Made Me Sad?

Being in bed. That is, I didn’t really have the energy to feel sad, but negative thoughts did creep up on me at times. Like I said above, however, my overall mental health hasn’t gone down significantly.

What Made a Difference?

My feeling optimistic about recovering from this nasty cold/COVID thing. Don’t get me wrong, I by no means believe that a positive attitude cures viral infections, but my not wallowing too much in frustration, helped prevent my mental health from spiraling down.

Comparing Myself to Others as an Enneagram Type Four

Posted on by Astrid

Hi everyone. I’ve reflected on the Enneagram as it relates to me several times before. I often use Enneagram-based journaling prompts for this. Today, a prompt that was designed for those who are type One, the “Perfectionist”, spoke to me. I’m not a One, but, as a Four, I gravitate to type One when in a good mental state. The prompt was how I judge myself and whether I compare myself with others.

Since the prompt resonated with me, I decided to look at the prompts designed for type Fours. There, I found one that asked me who I compare myself to.

I am by no means an expert on the Enneagram, but the first prompt made me think of comparing myself in order to judge and maybe boost my achievements. In other words, if someone else can do something, I should be able to do it too. The prompt for type Fours, on the other hand, made me think of comparison as the beginning stage of envy. In other words, if someone else appears to have or be something I am not or don’t have, I wonder: “Why not me?!” Or worse yet: “Why them?!”

I think that comparing yourself to others can be healthy, when it is done in a constructive way. I’m not saying that Ones’ way of comparing themselves to others, is always healthy. After all, comparing your achievements to others’ can lead to self-defeating beliefs too. In other words, if someone else can do something you can’t, you may be just as likely to fall into the trap of wondering “why not me?” as I am when someone seems to have an “ideal” life.

For me, indeed, comparing my achievements to those of others, sometimes leads to low self-esteem. However, it can also lead to self-motivation. Sometimes I see the possibilities and use this to inspire my own creativity, while at other times, I see that others are “better” and end up wallowing in self-limiting beliefs. This is the fundamental difference, I think, between the question aimed at type One and the question for type Four: Ones are asked how they compare themselves to others, whereas Fours are asked who they compare themselves with. I, as a Four, often end up feeling bad when comparing myself with others. When I, however, let go of the “who” in the comparison, it doesn’t mean I won’t feel disappointed in myself, but chances are higher that I won’t see it as a personal flaw. And no, this is not a way of saying Ones are better than Fours, though of course as quite an unhealthy Four, I feel this way a lot. I’m saying that, when I let go of the “who” when comparing myself with others and instead focus on the “what” of other people’s achievements, I can use this as inspiration for my own personal development.

Gratitude List (December 1, 2024) #TToT

Posted on by Astrid

Hi everyone. It’s nearly 11PM as I write this. I feel motivated to write, but can’t really think of a lot to write about. However, a gratitude list is always good. I’m joining in with #TToT. It’s been forever! Let’s see what I’ve been grateful for this past week.

1. Inspiration to craft. I mentioned this yesterday too and have been claying again today. I also have many ideas floating around in my head.

2. A visit to a nearby market again. I got fried calamares at the fish stand. I also bought spicy olives.

3. The pasta salad with tuna we had yesterday. And the fact that it wasn’t used as an extra but as the main meal.

4. Sleep. I’ve been sleeping a lot over the past few days. Not always at night, but who cares?

5. Warm clothes. I’m nursing a cold, like I said yesterday, and, though I don’t have a fever, I do feel more comfy wearing warm clothes.

6. The fact that I managed to talk out a recent issue with a staff today. She tried to assign me a temp worker on Friday even though there were other options. It turned out she hadn’t fully understood the agreement.

7. The fact that I now feel at least a tiny bit comfortable with the new staff. With the latest addition to the team, I struggled a bit, but we had a good time on Thursday.

8. My mental state. I’m still experiencing anxiety on a daily basis, but it’s a lot less severe than it used to be.

9. Motivation to write. Like I said yesterday, this is a sign that my mood is improving.

10. The fact that I no longer live independently. I was reminded of the fact that I’m intensely grateful for this again this evening when my spouse called me because of stress related to our house. I feel a bit guilty for not being able to help, but at the same time I’m so glad I no longer have this responsibility, because when I did, it didn’t mean less stress for my spouse and it did mean significantly more stress for me.