Welcome to our list of alters. Here, we share a little bit about each insider, so that you can look them up if you see a post by a particular alter. When a particular insider chooses to disclose they’re writing, they’ll add their name in the tags, surrounded by asterisks. That way, the alter’s name will be the top tag.
Marian (42): emerged in 2018 after our grandma’s death to deal with our childhood traumas from a rational, adult perspective. She is adamant that our trauma wasn’t our fault and that our family is as much dysfunctional as we are.
Annemiek (35): our crafty type. She loves to make soap, jewelry and other crafts. Inside, she is sighted, so it’s frustrating for her at times to be in a body that’s blind. She also loves to research crafting and to collect supplies even if she doesn’t use them often. She also symbolizes our “married and living independently” status. This status, after all, is often used as “proof” that we don’t have challenges.
Sierra (34): took over the front from Katinka and the inner self helper task form Clarissa very recently. She is a very rational alter yet also sees the needs of some of the others.
Eleanor (33): surfaced in May of 2019 to cope with disappointments re our care situation. She split off from Leonie. She’s pretty distant and can be depressed.
Leonie (32): fairly recently split off from Clarissa. She fights like a lioness, hence her name, for what we need. She can be a bit paranoid.
Marieke (32): an alter with a developmental disability. She emerged in 2017 when we were becoming aware of our desire for sensory activities. She is named after a fellow client at our old day activities because she’d often call this client’s name in a repetitive sing-song voice.
Amy (30): she emerged in 2017 during a time we were particularly depressed. Whereas most of us act out when feeling overwhelmed, she acts in when feeling numb.
Esther (28): our inner mother. She deals with the fact that we’ve had to make the difficult decision not to try to conceive a child. She is very nurturing and sees the good in children and vulnerable people even if they “misbehave”. She loves helping our severely intellectually disabled fellow clients at day activities.
Deborah (22): a very aggressive alter. She constantly tests the staff’s limits, because she has severe attachment issues. Thankfully, she’s rarely out alone.
Clarissa (21): our inner self helper. She knows most about the system and advocates for our needs. She also is a psychology know-it-all. She is a college student.
Danique (21): recently emerged. She’s really upbeat and curious. She makes plans for us to learn new skills.
Katinka (20): one of the main fronters. Came about in like 2010 when we were first learning about the full extent of our dissociation.
Carol (19): came about in 2001 when we were struggling with feelings of being a burden because of our disabilities. At the time, she was the one who advocated for our needs, sometimes to the point of coming across selfish. In 2004, years before we found out about our autism, she suffered (autistic) burn-out. She’s now the one who comes out when we feel like people have too high expectations of us. She is quite severely autistic and engages in self-injurious behavior.
Jane (19): Carol’s twin sister but her polar opposite. In high school, she was the one who said we needed to never ask for help and be the best at everything in order to make up for our blindness. Still to this day, she denies our problems. Beneath all this though seems some deep-seated insecurity.
Robin (18): a (gender)queer part. We have no idea why they’re here other than to give us an excuse to hang out in the LGBTQ+ community and explore that part of ourselves without insulting our husband.
Kirsten (16): another main front runner. She came about in 2003 as a character in an autobiographical story we wrote. We call her the “mirror image”, because she can present like she’s the host but isn’t. She tends to take over from Katinka when we feel bad.
Brenda (15): a protector and defiant teen. She doesn’t care about anything. She came about in 2002.
Elena (15): our sociable teen. She is very cheerful and has good social skills. She’s also interested in spirituality. She is sighted inside too, but doesn’t seem to mind living in a blind body.
Myrthe (14): an extraverted but very confused teen. She experiences a lot of depersonalization and seems to hold many high school memories.
Karin (14): Myrthe’s introverted counterpart.
Eline (13): a dreamy, shy but determined teen. She’s still relatively optimistic. She holds a lot of high school memories.
Agnes (13): a self-destructive teen. She has an eating disorder and injures herself. She is the most emotionally unstable one and acts out a lot.
Morgan (12): a studious child. She wants to be a psychologist when she grows up. She is also first becoming aware of our invisible disabilities and wants to know all about them. She also struggles with being blind.
Rachelle (12): a verbally strong but emotionally very fragile child.
Janita (11): we don’t know why she’s there. She loves reading, but we don’t know what else.
Kelly (10): a playful child, but she feels she’s too old to play. She is into pop music and tries desperately to fit in. She seems to hold a lot of our older childhood memories, though she doesn’t talk about them usually.
Kirsty (10): fictive from one of Maggie Hartley’s foster care memoirs. Feels very much unwanted and feels the burden of guilt about her and Kelly’s anger.
Jace (9): deals with our depression and resulting anger and irritability. Feels very unloved.
Milou (8): she’s quite playful and imaginative. She loves to learn, not just academics but practical skills too.
Suzanne (7): feels the burden of growing up too fast. She always says she has to care for Baby. She may regress into an emotionally much younger state sometimes.
Wendy (6): another severely autistic child. She seems to hold a lot of emotions too, but usually repeats the same phrases over and over again.
Lisel (5): originally named Little. Got this name because, at the time, she was the youngest alter we knew. She chose Lisel as her new name fairly recently. She seems to hold a lot of traumatic memories.
Vera (2): a typical two-year-old or so it seems. We don’t know her that well yet.
Baby (1 month): constantly lies curled up in the fetal position. Really vulnerable alter.