This week, I’m once again joining in with Weekend Coffee Share. On the surface, I don’t have much to write about, but I’ll try anyway.
If we were having coffee, I’d ask you how you have been. It’s sometimes hard for me to remember this, but when I’m feeling like I’m now, I’d genuinely much rather hear about your day than share about mine. Since I don’t know who will be joining me for coffee, as this is just a writing exercise, this is rather fruitless though.
If we were having coffee, I’d try to share how off I’ve been feeling lately. Most people notice right away, but it’s hard for me to put my finger onto what is going on. I guess I may be in a prolonged freeze mode. This is one of Pete Walker’s four types of trauma responses and it describes a state of dissociation. I’m so disconnected from myself that I can’t even tell who I am right now. I mean, yes, I respond to the name given to me at birth, but I hardly connect that name, or any of y alters’ names, to my current experience.
I don’t know what triggered it. I’m not having flashbacks. I’m not even having memories that aren’t full-blown visual flashbacks. Rather, I retreat into my own inner world with a book. Currently, this is Where Has Mummy Gone? by Cathy Glass. This is a very sad foster care memoir. I know I’m supposed to feel sympathy for the child who is the main character in this memoir and on some level I do, but it’s all very distant.
If we were having coffee, I’d then chatter on about random happenings. I’d share that I did finally go on the elliptical yesterday evening after not having been on it in over a week. I’d share that we had pizza for dinner yesterday. It was salami day or so I’ve heard, so I had a delicious salami pizza.
If we were having coffee, ‘d tell you that yesterday marked 130 years since the first incubator was used for a baby. My mother posted that on my timeline on Facebook last night. Since I was born prematurely and spent time in an incubator myself, this is rather intriguing to me.
If we were having coffee, I’d try to round up the conversation then, because I feel my shoulder hurting badly, so I want to do some exercise.
How is your weekend going so far?
A Multitude of Musings 
Mine has been ok I guess. I am also reading cathys book where is mummy gone and loving it. Well done on exercising. And pizza, yum! I have a nice hot and spicy pizza In my refridgerator to have later on in the week. xxx
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Hi Astrid, You sound troubled today (or whenever you wrote this). You know, your life and situation are so different than my own, that, if we were having coffee, I would ask for your help in knowing what a good friend would look like to you. You have a husband who presumably knows how to do right by you, but what would someone from almost the other side of the globe do or say that would give you joy? I write some funny stories, but this sounds almost trivial when there are so many personalities in one body. If I were to ask your husband what gives you joy, what would he tell me?
warmest regards – Gary
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Hi Gary,
I haven’t reread my post and I don’t remember what I wrote, so I don’t know what made you think I feel troubled. Dissociative states are indeed sometimes very worrysome, but even as a multiple, we can experience joy in ordinary things. I love a good, funny story, so will go check out your blog when I am feeling a little better (physcally, I have a bad cold).
As for what my husband would tell you brings me joy, they’re often our jokes that we crack together. We love wordplay, for example. You also made my day by leaving me a kind comment on my blog.
I also get joy from reading or indulging into my creative side. Because I’m multiple, the younger parts might more prefer children’s books, for instance, but even the most troubled parts have a capacity for joy.
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Awe, I’m glad you took the time to write, despite not being on top of your world. I know that it helps me. I hope it helps you as well. All the best. ❤
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